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Beyond the Valley :: Search Results

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Result 1 of 10:

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Topic: First Class New York Escorts (Read 3 times)

New York Escorts
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First Class New York Escorts
« Result #1 on Aug 24, 2009, 12:19am »

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Result 2 of 10:

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Topic: Elite Escort Girls (Read 1 time)

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Elite Escort Girls
« Result #2 on Jul 31, 2009, 12:59am »

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Result 3 of 10:

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Topic: Elite Escort Girls (Read 1 time)

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Elite Escort Girls
« Result #3 on Jul 31, 2009, 12:59am »

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Result 4 of 10:

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Topic: Aunt Karens Moral (Read 8 times)

df2s65e
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Aunt Karens Moral
« Result #4 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:28am »

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment... Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.

We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.

Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the f#ck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking"

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Result 5 of 10:

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Topic: Reproducing Bull (Read 6 times)

f56d5r
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Reproducing Bull
« Result #5 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:28am »

A couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of reproduction bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: "See! That was more

than 5 times a month!"

The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."

Again the wife bugs her husband: "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do

YOU say to that?!"

Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison... The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells: "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"

The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back: "Sure, once a day! But

ask the announcer if they were all with the same cow!!!"

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Result 6 of 10:

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Topic: Letters On The Skin (Read 5 times)

5gd59f
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Letters On The Skin
« Result #6 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:28am »

Three women at the doctors office. The first one goes in to see the doctor. When the doctor goes to examine her he notices a big Y on her chest.
The doctor asks, " Why do you have a big Y on your chest?"

She replys, " Well, my boyfriend went to Yale and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."

The doctor nods and continues on with the next patient. When he examines her he notices a big H on her chest.

Agian, the doctor asks, " How did you get a big H on your chest?" The woman replys " My husband went to Harvard and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."

The doctors just nods his head and continues on with the last patient. As he examines her he notices once again that this woman also has a letter on her chest. A large M.

He says, " Dont tell me, your boyfriend went to Michigan?"

" NO" replys the patient " But my girlfriend went to Wisconsin"

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Result 7 of 10:

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Topic: Italian Virgin (Read 2 times)

gf52t5
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Italian Virgin
« Result #7 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:28am »

Maria just got married and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin and very inexperienced around men. So, on her wedding night, while staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry Maria,' says the mother. 'Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.'

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed
his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.' 'Don't worry, Maria,' says his mother. 'All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

So up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his
pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs.'
'Don't worry Maria. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.

'So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing the better part of three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.

'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot-and-a-half.'

'Stay here and stir the pasta,' says the mother.

'This is a job for Mama!'

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Result 8 of 10:

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Topic: Losing Virginity (Read 5 times)

5g8d8158
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Losing Virginity
« Result #8 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:27am »

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.

Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"

The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."

The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"

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Result 9 of 10:

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Topic: Hiding Smokers (Read 4 times)

f9d5e8
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Hiding Smokers
« Result #9 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:27am »

Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,"It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn't find them."

The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!"

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.

"You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning, sister," said the pharmacist.

"What can I do for you today?"

"I'd like some condoms, please," said the nun. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,

"How many boxes would you like? There are twelve to a box."

"I'll take six boxes - that should last about a week," she replied.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, "Sister, what size condoms would you like - we have large, extra large, and big liar size."

The sister thought for a minute, and finally said, "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel."

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Result 10 of 10:

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Topic: Enlarging The Breast (Read 8 times)

fsd95e
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Enlarging The Breast
« Result #10 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:26am »

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.

The husband comes up with a suggestion. ¡°If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.¡±

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. ¡°How long will this take?¡± she asks.

¡°They¡¯ll grow larger over a period of years,¡± he replies.

The wife stops. ¡°Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?¡±

The husband shrugs. ¡°Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?¡±

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